He looked down at our hands with these last words. My heart raced as my mind tried to process his words. Did I feel the same way? I knew that I liked...him, a lot. I didnt want to lead him on. But I didnt know if I was capable of being enough of what he wanted. I didnt know if I could be good enough for him. When, or even if, we ever had sex, could I satisfy him? Would he be disappointed? I was definitely not a virgin, but the only guy I was ever with was Travis. Wed had sex, but it was never. "And neither am I, but we both enjoy life more with than without." Look, I'm really fine, no need to..." I began, but she switched tracks abruptly."How do you feel about marriage?" she asked me, taking a sip of her drink."It's fine, I guess. I don't really think about it much, not right now. Christ Becca, I'm only twenty-two, I've got time." Well, if you ever do get married, would you be like my friends?" You mean fool around on my wife? I don't think so..." No, I meant fool around with your. We had some laughs and the beer went down good.Around eight we headed off to our respective rooms. I stripped down and decided to watch some TV for a while before I hit the sack. About twenty minutes had passed when the phone rang. It was Tony."You gotta come up and see this room. For a town way out in the boonies, this is something, got a hot tub and a big TV. I got some beers. Come on up!" Since I wasn't that sleepy yet I agreed, pulled on sweatpants and a tshirt and headed upstairs.Tony met. I was just someone who seemed to occasionally visit for a day or two. I was surprised that the kids just didn't call me Vivian instead of Mother. "Mother" not Mom or Ma, but Mother.I never noticed at the time, but now looking back it seemed they never felt anything for me towards the end. I was just a stranger in the house whose name happened to be "Mother". Mother was my name, not my job as far as they were concerned. Phil had replaced me in their eyes as the go to parent.Phil was always there.
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