I had much to think about on the long drive up to where Becky lived. And as I argued back and forth with myself over it, I finally came to the conclus...on that if I could talk to anyone about what had happened, I could talk to Becky. If anyone could help me sort all this out, and do so without judging me, and look at things in a better light as to how she and I could then deal with mom regarding it, she could.By the time I arrived, it was late due to the weather suddenly turning bad and forcing. Chithi: do you mean itMe: yesChithi: why did you tell me this soonerMe: I was afraidChithi: of meMe: afraid of our family chithi, think what will happen if you refuse and tell about it to my parents are anyone, my only option would have been suicide chithiChithi: you know this is a sin rightMe: ya I know but a sin like this doing sex with you makes me feel like I am in a heaven on earth, I don’t care if I go to hell for this sin once I am dead.Chithi: (eyes became teary) I would keep everything. Or maybe he really wasn't."Paul has never had any secrets from me." No, I could not say that. He had not told her that he had told me. He had not been open to her, and I could not brag that he had always been open with me, even after we had broken up."I read it in his eyes, when he asked me to join," I said."And you joined?" Liz said, surprised."He wanted me to," I said. His engagement present for her. The proof that he loved her more than me. In her eyes, at least, it would be the proof. It. .. The worst thing I could think of was to fuck an animal ... I couldn’t imagine anything worse ... And then I thought about the animal that would be most disgusting – I’ve imagined dogs and horses, but pigs ... Pigs are the most disgusting ... They’re so fat and pink and ugly ... They even sound disgusting ... So, that’s what I think about when I want to get off – it doesn’t matter who I’m with ... That’s the thought...” She pauses, smiling at her admission, then continues... “I know people.
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