Of course, I was paying her, but she was just saving it up. She lived ina room in my house, she ate with me, and never wanted to go out. Wewould sit...together and read. Sometimes there was something that we couldboth watch on TV, such as a major gold tournament. She would spend justa small amount of money buying some clothes on line and dressing in herroom. Otherwise she was saving money towards medical procedures.I was sure that she did not go out because she was worried about whatpeople. Once there, mommy asked me to face the toilet, and knelt behind me. She rubbed my bum, caressing my curves (I had something of a bubble butt, too). "Mmmm, mommy hasn't seen her little one in quite a few years. Do you know how this works?"Of course I did, and was delighted when she took me between her thumb and forefinger and began stroking. I sighed in extasy, and suddenly noticed that she was rubbing my butt crack as well. That was unusual -- certainly I'd never done it before (I wasn't gay,. It’s hard to look deep into myself and see things that I really don’t like. And to try to understand why I am the way I am. I guess you’ve done that for years.”“I have. It’s one of the reasons I’ve kept the journal all these years.”“I started one. Doctor Mercer asked me to do that after Thanksgiving when you broke me out of that trance I was in. I’d so convinced myself that I was an evil person who I didn’t want to live, but I couldn’t kill myself so I just kind of went through the. He agreed with his friend’s words, but at the same time every fibre of his being rejected them. “Why not?” he felt his lips form the words, a whisper barely audible above the rain, the question posed before he’d even had time to consider what he was saying. Gustav had no answer and averted his eyes. A minute passed that felt like an age. The wrongness of it, they both thought to themselves. That’s why not. Gustav did not know why he wasn’t more surprised at his friend’s advance. He couldn’t.
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