The sight of home makes my heart flutter and the hairs on the back of my neck rise as I unlock the door and push into the velvet gloom beyond. Immedia...ely, I am swamped by the familiar smell of apples stored in the cellar, of the stockpot in the kitchen, spices in the larder and the oak we used to carve the staircase. Upstairs, above me, someone stirs. I hear his footfalls, roused by the noise, descending in the scented dark. Then his voice, glorious and rich like whiskey and fine resin grown. ”“I miss you so much, angel.”“One day, you’ll join me out here. But don’t hurry, okay? Just visit me sometimes.”“Every day.”“Mmm. That could get morbid.”“I...” I looked around again. I was talking to myself. I didn’t even have Lexi’s ashes with me and I could still hear her as if she were standing beside me. “I don’t know what to do any longer. I’m lost.”“Mama needs you. Sammie needs you. Hannah needs you. My friends ... my whole clan needs you, Daddy. Help them. Help them be all they can be. I also saw him staring at the place where my breasts should be. Even though I was wearing a padded bra, there just wasn’t much to look at. I turned away so Paul couldn’t see what I didn’t have and felt tears begin to slide down my cheeks. When I pulled open the drawer where the Kleenex box was kept, Paul reached for it and handed me one. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. Paul sat silently until I regained my composure. “I’m sorry, what can I do?” he said with a look of concern. “Maybe its. Julie was asking Emma how it felt so I left them to it for 5 minutes and went to get some drinks. I shouldn't have been surprised but as I re-entered the room I was greeted by the sight of another new experience. Julie was stood in front of a kneeling Emma who was eagerly sucking the strap on dildo that Julie was wearing. It was about the same length as my cock but it was much thicker and she was having trouble fitting it into her tiny mouth. Julie was smiling at me and my look of amazement. I.
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