The comments pretty much boiled down to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failur...."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so self-consciously self-contradictory, self-vaunting and self-evasive, I hardly know where to begin. So I'll won't begin.. We’re all pretty tired already. And Randy is here to protect us”, the girls suppressing giggles.Sandy goes to her mom and assures her its ok. (Though she feels guilty lying, knowing something will be happening.)“Ok, well, I will text you and let you know when I can come back home. I know I won’t stay more than a few hours, once I get to explain things to my supervisor.”Several minutes later, the doorbell rings again, this time it’s a co-worker come to give her a ride.”“Randy, I am leaving you. "I nodded and we continued to watch as Linda was violated with a monster dildo, about the size of a 2 liter soda bottle.Finally satisfied with her work Mistress rested. And we observed Linda in her subspace.We watched Mistress as she responded to Linda and we waited patiently until Mistress begun to choose players for the next part of the scene.A gang bang train begun. I counted 10 men and 3 women as they each violated Linda's body following Mistress' commands.Trinh was one of the females in. "I'm here, ya scum. Release her, and I'll come out."Del Rosa shouted, "Show yourself, woman!"They loosened Eden's bindings, then slowly, I rose from behind some plants opposite of where they suspected I was. I hid my pistol in my boot in case they searched me. It might come in handy at some point."Here I am, ya bastards, let her go."They turned to see me, and I counted eight, including Del Rosa. Way too many for me to deal with alone. I walked out from my cover as they eyed me hungrily. I could.
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