She stirred her coffee to keep from having to meet Katherine's eyes. Then she softly said, "Katherine, I know what I must do. I cannot lead myself to ...he slaughter." She looked up, into Katherine's eyes. Her own eyes were full of tears but they hadn't begun to run down her cheeks. "Katherine, I would love more than anything to be with you. If you will have me, Katherine, I will do anything you say."Katherine nodded and smiled sadly at her mother. "I have spoken with others and have been. I feel like a tenderised steak. And a jerk. Carly was just trying to help me, but I couldn't tell her that it was her causing the problem. And it wasn't really her I know, it was me... the way I felt about her. But I couldn't help it. Why couldn't she have been like everyone else... afraid of me, disdainful of me? Why did she have to keep thinking there was something special in me? Why did she have to make me feel like I was worth something? It only made it harder when I realised I wasn't –. ”“And Son, three things. First, any further outbursts like the one on Sunday and there will be serious consequences; second, all the house rules are to be followed; third, you must continue to tell us where you’re going and who you’ll be with. We do reserve the right to tell you ‘no’ if we think it’s not something you should be doing.”I could live with that. I had always done that in the past. Since Birgit’s death and the fight with my mom, I had simply come and gone as I pleased. The house. I've kissed a few girls and enjoyedit, and was excited when allowed to touch one girl's breast through herclothing, but I don't lay awake at night fantasizing about them andmasturbating like the other guys are always bragging about.I once managed to get my hands on a men's magazine, not one of the tameones, but one of those that show everything up close and personal, andused it as masturbation fodder a few times. I can't say that I didn'tenjoy it, but the pleasure of my orgasms just weren't.
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