The following week when the gardeners were here, I made them a brew and we chatted, but I didn’t say anything about the dropped magazine. When the m...n had finished for the day, Billy knocked on the door for payment. I invited him into the kitchen and gathering up courage and handed him the magazine saying, “You dropped this last week.”He was shocked and spent the next couple minutes apologising to me. He seemed more embarrassed I was.I told him “It’s okay, I must admit I had sneaky peek and. .. that's me... listening to theVelvet Underground... wishing I was the lead singer Nico, a beautifulicy-blonde with beautiful pouting lips... and I'm, what, thirteen-years-old at the time? Listening to Lou Reed sing, whiplash girlchildin the night... sneaking upstairs... reading my father's pornography,hidden in a small locked closet in the attic (but I found the keyhidden in his desk...) reading all sorts of dirty stuff that he kepthidden from us...I was most attracted to the stories about. " Please shut up," Martin replied.Suzie went on, "I was a drug addict, living rough. I was attacked a fewtimes and... raped. I was beaten up and cut with a knife. It was bad."Martin looked down at her, frowning."I really want to hear about you. Please won't you tell me?" Suzie asked.What harm could it do, Martin considered. Perhaps she would understand.He stole another look at her.Either jump now, or talk and jump later his inner voice said.He took a deep breath and then carefully lowered. I took it from him, and opened the door and stepped in. As I stood in undecided, someone found the light switch. It felt different in the bright artificial light, to stand almost naked. The candlelight in the winds at least left something to imagination, but here I was out there for their hungry lustful eyes! The boys entered the room, and came close to me, wanting to touch - grope - to get a feel of the woman body that they missed and wanted since growing up - but I was in charge - I stopped.
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