After the military messed my mind, I couldn’t split it for multiple tasks. I still had the split-mind. This meant there was nothing I could do to ke...p my mind occupied when needed. I would get to doing something to occupy myself, but always half my mind would wonder places it shouldn’t. It made PTSD and depression unbearable.Before I know it, I look at the clock, and it is 5 am. I don’t notice how tired I am until I stop and decide to go to bed. I set my alarm for 9 am, and as soon as my head. I smiled at my mother, playfully. I gargled a little and smiled even though my piss tasted like stale cheerios.She smiled back at me. Then she looked at Ann knowingly. I began to drink my own pee in the glass, but I also backwashed some of it back into the cup. It was gross and disgusting, but I wanted to seem like I was willing to do whatever it took to prove myself to my mother.“Show her the plug I bought you,” Ann said.I smiled and turned around and flipped up my skirt playfully while. I embraced her tightly and kissed. I took her face in both my hands and was about to kiss her when she abruptly pulled herself away and ran away to her bedroom. I followed her into her bedroom. Her two children were sleeping peacefully. I caught hold of her hand and gestured her to follow me. She came with me and instinctively closed the bedroom door. She came and sat on the sofa in the drawing room. I went and sat near her. I enquired” What happened Gauthami”. She shook her head and said “Its. ”“There is nothing dignified about it.”“Then accept that Allah has meant it to be this way.”“Allah? You can’t be serious. Are we talking about the same Allah? What is it with you? Allah this, Allah that. I’m sick of hearing that word. You leave everything up to Allah, and then you’re stuck here. I can’t understand that kind of thinking. I may be young, but anyone with a dose of smarts knows that Allah may control all things and all people and all that you dream of becoming, but you have the.
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